Butterflies

 Butterflies* 

i. Apologizing in advance. In his introduction to The Saturnalia, Macrobius Ambrosius Theodosius, because he was “born under an alien sky,” asks for “a reasonable indulgence” if his words “lack the elegance of the native Roman tongue.” Then he comments on apologies-in-advance**:

The release of Macrobius balloons.
Saturnalia in Alexandria, 1993

But I am indeed imprudent, and I have incurred that neat rebuke which Marcus Cato gave to the Aulus Albius who was consul with Lucullus. This Albinus composed a History of Rome in Greek and wrote in the preface to the effect that no one ought to criticize him for any lack of arrangement, or faults of style, “for,” said he, “I am a Roman, born in Latium, and the Greek language is altogether foreign to me”; and on that ground he claimed the privilege of being excused from censure for any mistakes he might have made. After reading this, Marcus Cato said: “Upon my word, Aulus, you carry your trifling too far in choosing to apologize for a fault instead of refraining from committing it. As a rule, one asks for pardon after making a mistake through inadvertence or after doing wrong under compulsion; but who, pray, compelled you to do that for which you would ask pardon in advance?”

“Classic Bible Sketches from Vacation Bible School”
Peter and Andrew running off the page after Jesus
PCUS (1955)

ii. Christian cannibalism.  Most scholars attribute the charge by pagan apologists that Christians were cannibals to a misunderstanding of John 6, where Jesus tells the Jews murmuring at him that unless they “eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood,” they “have no life in them.” On the other hand, he goes on, “whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life . . . . For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.” I have read none that take into account the role of this past Sunday’s gospel lesson, where Jesus calls Simon and Andrew. They are casting their nets into the Sea of Galilee, “for they were fishermen” (Mark adds redundantly). Jesus says, “Come. Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.” They follow immediately. In some lost manuscripts, according to Pseudo-Pseutēs, as they run to catch up with Jesus, Peter turns to his brother and wisecracks in his best Australian accent,*** “Will we grill ’em on the barbie?”

iii. Null set.

01.23.18

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  * “Everything is intimately, inextricably connected to everything else so that a butterfly flutters its wings in Fiji and a dog in Brooklyn gets diarrhea. Or, nothing is remotely related to anything else at all except that we wish it were so.” See blog post for February 21, 2015. 

 ** Translation by Percival Vaughan Davies. The Saturnalia (Columbia University Press, 1969).

*** None too good, according to Pseudo-Pseutēs.