Monday, January 27, 2020

I fell.

 I fell. 
the front door from the inside,
drawn on my phone with my finger
and colored with electronic crayon

Roz called from work: If I went outside - granted that was unlikely - and I saw the car was missing . . . Did I remember she was taking it to take a friend to a doctor’s appointment? I said, Yes, I remembered, because I did when she reminded me.
     “granted that was unlikely” - because I haven’t been out for days. I fell. Not so much down as apart. I closed my eyes because I was weeping and when I opened them the world was shimmery. Objects wouldn’t stay in their shapes. They looked like pictures I colored when I was little and couldn’t stay inside the lines.
     This was I don’t know when but days ago.

This is the kind of thing she is always doing, Roz, taking friends to appointments, involving herself in others’ lives as if she didn’t have enough to worry about. Or as if she didn’t worry.
     I think sometimes she doesn’t. She sympathizes, but she doesn’t worry. It’s one of those things that “doesn’t do any good.”  And I can’t say, “Well, it doesn’t do any harm either.” But I can stay inside.

Our feet reach the ground in different ways.
01.27.20
_______________
 * More on Roz with links, see here.

Thursday, January 16, 2020

Strait is the gate...

 Strait is the gate... 

You don’t hear from someone for a while, then the letters come in bunches.

Dear Ted,
The girl you knew from college that died about the same time I did, I met her finally, Lisa. Well, you asked me to look her up, right? “Ask her about Jesus and Aristippos,” you said. Could she figure out a way to reconcile them, since you’re interested in both. Though why reconcile them? That’s what I thought, and that’s what she said, too.
     “Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way,” you said. “But that’s the name of a novel by André Gide, isn’t it?” she said. I said I didn’t know, but she thought she’d read it in college if she couldn’t remember why. “Not for fun,” she didn’t think. “I
didn’t read much - maybe not at all - for fun,” she said. She found reading very difficult, the letters kept moving inside the words, and the words kept moving around on the page, “sometimes even jumping from one page to another.”
     I can see why you liked her. It was a car wreck, right? Did you say? That’s what I half-remembered, but I didn’t want to ask. “I may be completely off on that,” she said about the novel. “Maybe not Gide at all.”
     We met in a diner for coffee. Well, not really - it doesn’t work that way, but imagine that it did. A diner with a Bible - of course! And we found the passage. It’s in the Sermon on the Mount, right? - Matthew 7:13-14. “Go in by the narrow gate, for the wide gate and the easy way take you toward destruction. But strait is the gate and narrow” - or hard? - “is the way that leads to life.” “Destruction” vs. “life” - “life” not “salvation”? We decided we’d let you figure that out. Because we didn’t know Greek.
     And the context - you can figure that out, too. It’s toward the end of the Sermon, it looks like - after the blessings, and after the “love your enemies” and the “do not be anxious” or “judge.” We couldn’t see how Jesus got from those to this.
     But there’s a lot not to know we decided, “like whether Gide wrote a book named Strait is the Gate,” Lisa said. “Or anybody else did,” I said. “Well,” she said, “probably somebody.” “Right,” I said.
                                    Love, Moira
P.S. Can you find out? Also, what it’s about if it is?

01.16.20
_______________
 * Links to the Moira “story,” click here. Link to “André Gide” by m ball, here.

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Two

 Two 

from Uncle Albert* —
with Sigrid Undset
What astounds me above all else is not that I continue to believe in a benevolent God but how long it takes me to get up and dressed in the morning.
Not to mention how much longer it takes me to discover that I have forgotten to zip my fly. 
01.09.20
_______________
 * 96 years young. (Not the way he describes himself, 
thank you very much.)

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Things

 Things 

A letter from my (dead) sister, Moira.

Dear Ted,
In your alternate universe, I ran away to Spain and Morocco and one of them saved my life. [See here and here.*] I wish I had and it were so. Why I didn’t - that’s for another time. Maybe.
     This time I’m thinking about “things.” (And Hannah. [See here.] Though I may be worrying about you, too.) Why I’m thinking about things, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about the “topic,” at least not personally. But when has not knowing stopped anyone from venturing an opinion, thinking she is a philosopher.
     We acquire, I believe, out of attachment to place. We want a place. Eventually, we buy a nice house, and we want to stay there. In that place. Then we weight the house down so it won’t fly away from us. Beds for the bedrooms; chairs and couches for the living area; a huge dining room table that will extend to seat a dozen; plates, cups, glasses; pots and pans, especially good for ballast. Marble countertops.
    This attachment to place has to do with security. For reasons - not very good reasons, but we’re convinced I don’t know why - we begin to see the world “outside” as a dangerous place. So we want to have everything we might need inside. Then, if we decide we don’t want to, we don’t need to go out at all.
    Do you agree? You don’t have to, but think about how disconcerting it is to you, how worried you get about going anywhere new - you might get lost.
     So, could you have run away to Spain or Morocco if you didn’t know how to get there - turn by turn how to get there?
                                    Love, Moira
01.08.20
_______________
 * And for more, all the Moira links, see here.

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Yet another bad idea:

Joel Osteen by m. ball
 The gospel of Jesus of Nazareth 

 Dateline. The First Tuesday after Epiphany

                       And they came bearing gifts, gold . . . .

Why the gospel of success succeeds while the gospel of Jesus of Nazareth that preaches poverty and powerlessness cannot but fail. (I mean by succeeds gains followers, by fails loses them.) Who with any sense (any hope, any ambition) would choose that itinerant, murmuring, nonsensical rabbi over Joel Osteen with his big house, his expensive clothes; his blonde wife and straight teeth - with his amplified voice preaching surely, sensibly, and incontrovertibly that more is more? How can it not be? — It is the nature of tautologies that they must be true. So it is the nature of oxymorons, equations that cannot balance: they must be false. “Less is more” can not be so.

When I find myself wandering, hoping by odd chance that I will stumble into a store that is giving away what must make me feel better, I have to remind myself, “Wait. Stores don’t give away, do they?”

01.17.20