Badda Bing, Badda Boom!
from Bakker Thornhill’s commentary on Joshua (in the Incoherent series, published by Rantrage Press,* 2018, p. 116) —
X. 1 When Adoni-zedek, king of Jerusalem, heard how Joshua had captured Ai and wiped it off the map, burned it down to every dog and cat as an offering to The Lord - as he had done to Jericho, and how, duly terrified, the inhabitants of Gibeon had made peace with Israel, 2 he, Adoni-zedek, was himself afraid - Gibeon was a city, much bigger than Ai, and well-armed.
3 So Adoni-zedek king of Jerusalem sent messages to Hoham king of Hebron, to Piram king of Jarmuth, to Japhia king of Lachish, and to Debir king of Eglon: 4 “We need to get together. And maybe we should storm Gibeon, for they are throwing in with Joshua and with his band of . . .” Band of what he left unsaid. 5 But the five kings of the Amorites - the king of Jerusalem, the king of Hebron, the king of Jarmuth, the king of Lachish, and the king of Eglon - knew what he meant and they assembled their troops and joined him, Adoni-zedek, against Gibeon.
6 So the leaders of Gibeon sent a message to Joshua, who was camped at Gilgal, saying, “We have an agreement, right? We need your help. Now! All the kings of the Amorites are coming against us.”
7 And Joshua went up from Gilgal, he and all his band. 8 And the Lord went, too, saying to Joshua, “No fear. They are yours. Not a man of them will be standing when you and I are done with them.”
9 Joshua and his men then marched off with light hearts; with light hearts they marched through the dark night; they attacked suddenly at dawn. 10 And the Lord attacked with them, so that the armies of the kings were thrown into a panic and ran helter-skelter chased by Joshua’s troops up to Beth-horon and even as far as Azekah and Makkedah. 11 And even as they were running away from Joshua, the Lord was pelting them with huge stones, killing them wholesale. More died, it has been said, because of the stones the Lord threw at them from heaven than because of the swords in the hands of Joshua and his troops.
12 Still, some lived, so in front of all his men Joshua shouted to the Lord:
Sun! Stand still where you are over Gibeon,
Moon, where you are over the Valley of Aijalon.”
13 And the Lord heard, “Make the sun stand still.” And he did. The sun stood still, the moon didn’t rise until vengeance was complete, and destruction was total. 14 So, it is written in the Book of Jashar, that there was never a day like that day before; and surely there has never been one since, when the Lord listened to the man [Joshua], and the sun stopped until the day was over for everyone that followed Adoni-zedek and the others.
15 Then Joshua could go home to Gilgal.
Commentary
Okay! We’re in the middle of things here. We’ve just seen how the treaty with the Gibeonites came about, the deceit of those Hivite dastards, moldy bread and burst wineskins and worn-out shoes - yeah, right! - yet the people of Israel kept the treaty because they had sworn by the name of the Lord. (Still, they cursed them, so they would always be slaves.) And we’re about to find out what is going to happen to the five blustery kings of the Amorites, the villains of this piece, smelling like rotten meat. But in the middle, this.
The five kings, Adoni-zedek of Jerusalem, Hoham of Hebron, Piram of Jarmuth, Japhia of Lachish, and Debir of Eglon, decide to attack Gibeon, and Gibeon invokes the ethically slimy (on the Gibeonites’ part) but (but on the part of the people of Israel) theologically binding treaty. They send a message to Gilgal, where Joshua is, saying they are under attack, doesn’t he need to help? Not that he wants to, but while he is shaking his head, the Lord speaks to him in the language of the “the ban” (חֵרֶם), of slaughter, utter destruction, language Joshua - let’s face it - loves: “Don’t be afraid. By the time you and I are done with these men and their men, there will be nothing left of them. (For why there should be nothing left of them, see the Notes and Commentary on 5:13-18 and chapter 6, passim.)
Together, they devise a plan. Joshua force-marches his army through the night, and they come upon the unsuspecting kings before morning, throwing them into a panic, so they are mown down or flee. That is, they try to flee: they’re not going to get away from Joshua and God. The Latter is particularly resourceful, as you would expect, filling, one after the other, all six of his hands with huge stones and pelting them down on those trying to run away, as the forces of Joshua rush to catch up.
It appears they are not going to and that some of the nasty Hivites may escape. But Joshua cries out to the Sun and the Moon to stop. And, according to the Book of Jashar (See notes.), they do. The day is not going to end until Joshua can cut down every last soldier in every last squadron of the armies of Adoni-zedek, Hoham, Piram, Japhia, and Debir. Only then will he go back to Gilgal and catch forty winks before going back out to take on the kings themselves. Ah, what’s in store for them?!
Notes
x. 1. Ai. Pronounced in English, for reasons I haven’t been able to discover, ay-eye, as in the invitation, “Ay eye got some beer.
2. “And the smoke went up like the smoke from a kiln.” (Ex 19:18).
5. Jarmuth. Fabianski’s arguments to the contrary, there is no evidence that the family of Ashley Foy’s ice-dancing partner, Nathan Jarmuth, the one she ditched for Benjamin Blum in 2005, has any connection with the land.
6. the leaders of Gibeon. Shameless!
10. thrown into a panic. Divine passive. The subject here is God, who almost literally, “throws them into a threshing machine.” This is, after all, “holy war.” Adoni-zedek and his cohorts will know the meaning of “war is hell”; but for Joshua it is bliss.
Beth-horon and even as far as Azekah and Makkedah. That is, all over the damn place. Beth-horon is modern-day Beit ‘Ur, both the upper town (Beit ‘Ur el-Faqa), about five miles northwest of Gibeon and the lower town (Beit ‘Ur et-Tahta) about two miles farther on. Azekah is modern Tel Zakariyeh about 17 miles south of that. Makkedah is actually off the modern map.
14. Book of Jashar. סֵפֶר הַיׇֺּשָר. a sourcebook for the one or more of the writers and editors of Joshua. For the credits, flip to the end of this book, copy the link into your browser, and they will scroll.
15. home to Gilgal. The LXX leaves this out, probably because it doesn’t make sense that Joshua would go all the way back there and then come all the way back to deal with Adoni-zedek, Hoham et al. But modern scholars have questioned its assumption that any of this makes sense. See, e.g., Orestis Karnezis’ essay in the Journal of Misinterpretation, op cit.
09.13.18
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* Links to passages exegeted in this and other volumes from Rantrage Press’s Incoherent Series, may be found here.
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