xxv propositions about sport in the U.S. . . . .

. . . in honor of Super Bowl L.

 xxv propositions about sport in the U.S. . . .  

        i. Beginning with this Super Bowl, football games will no longer be
    interrupted by TV timeouts or delayed by commercial breaks.

       ii. College basketball coaching shall be done between games. Games
    themselves  will be played by players only – no coaches within 200
    feet of the floor. (Re floor, see xxi.)

      iii. Fouls in last three minutes of the college game – the player fouled will
    be given the option of shot or possession of the ball.

      iv. Basketball college and professional - Technical fouls can be awarded
                                                  for tattoos at referee’s discretion

   v. The national anthem shall never be sung

  vi. The Super Bowl halftime show shall be turned over to Florida A & M Marching Band in perpetuity. No halftime (or intermission) in any sport can be longer than 15 minutes.

 vii. Locker room prayers (team) will be made a matter of public record.

viii. At the beginning of the 20016-17 season, Tom Brady will be suspended five home games for being a jackass.

  ix. Skyboxes in publicly funded stadiums will be reserved for the public on a first-come, first-served basis.
(See next.)

   x. Tickets to professional events will be available for purchase at the venue on the day of the event only – nontransferable.

  xi. At the Waste Management Phoenix Open, players will be allowed to skip the sixteenth hole with credit for a birdie.

xii. Tennis players shall be equitably compensated: i.e., the men will play two of three set matches as the women do.

xiii. Tickets to professional events (again) – 60 percent in all sections must be sold for no more than local movie ticket price.

xiv. Olympic athletes will compete naked, beginning in Rio (summer and winter).

 xv. All (so-called) sports scored by judges will be eliminated from the Olympics.

xvi. In the United States, professional athletes’ salaries above three million dollars per season shall be contributed to charity according to a formula resembling this – basketball to public education; football to medical research; hockey to dental research; baseball to research in experimental physics.

xvii. In college basketball, football, baseball, lacrosse, and golf, state schools will field only in-state players.

xviii. Professional golfers will be required to play with wooden woods. (Cf. baseball, where major-leaguers must bat with wooden bats.)

xix. Professional golfers (continued) will play with a maximum of seven clubs (the “starter set”) which they themselves will carry.

 xx. For player safety, American footballers players will wear no pads.

xxi. The (basketball) basket will be raised to 4 meters and the court will be expanded proportionally (made 31 percent wider and longer).

 xxii. Instant replay challenges shall be banned from all sports. All games will be refereed where they are played .

xxiii. In consequence, jumbotrons will be banned from all stadiums. Fans will be permitted transistor radios.

xxiv. In the U.S., high school sports be eliminated in favor of club sports. 

xxv. In the U.S., high schools be eliminated in favor of clubs.

02.07.16